Much better second attempt. I'm glad you're having to go through all the same learning experiences I had to go through :-)
I agree that the photo could use some white balancing, and you can also lighten the mid-tones. I would also work w/ Evelyne to help her relax her facial muscles a bit as she is very much pursing her mouth.
Another tip is that with portraits, you really need to watch the shadows around peoples' eyes so that they don't look too tired.
Thanks for the feedback. The WB setting was a deliberate choice. The bikini is not white but somewhat creamy. I shot at 4800 Kelvin (Ikelite flashes) and later added changed the setting in Camera Raw to flash and I added some orange in dual tone split. After that, I did add some orange and red in Camera Raw because I wanted to avoid the pale ("dead corps") skin she had last time. Evelyne has a quit pale skin. But based on your feedback I have exaggerated, so I changed colorbalance to become more neutral (but not completly). Thanks.
On the eyes shadows. I would guess that the flash on the right was too high. Would you agree? I planned to go into to the water with 1 flash on the camera and extra flash on a tripod (using an optical slave), but the tripod broke before I could take one picture. Do you have some advice on how to position (and use) the two flashes to avoid shadows around the eyes.